what am I feeling?

I don't know what I'm feeling. it's a mix of emotions. very difficult to explain. tomorrow I will be going outfield for my SPT FDEx. I wonder what it will be like. what I do know is that I got to wake up abnormally early to reach camp. carrying so much stuff. although I roughly have an idea what we are going to do outfield, but I'm still suffering the Sunday night book-in syndrome - the one where a person gets really down and de-motivated and discouraged. in some ways I'm excited. in some ways I dread it. what am I supposed to feel? I wish I can find an answer. I wish it will all end soon. 4+ months more before I'm released from my leash. I know life won't be that smooth sailing once I'm free, but having freedom is always better than none. I'm tired, yet I don't want to sleep early since I won't have free time for the next few days. I hate this feeling. I want to be able to sleep without the need to know that I don't have time the next few days for personal stuff. I want to sleep peacefully, happily, whenever I want to without having to think so much. when will that day come?