it's no good

my chest hurts. I feel I might die any moment, or at least collapse into a pathetic heap on the gound and die while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. the pain isn't going away. stubborn. I heard shoutings from below my place. seems like two people quarelling, spewing vulgarities at each other. so late still want to quarrel.

as of now, I'm still very much troubled by what's supposed to be mine, but isn't with me. it has gone on for far too long. monday. I will be forced to take action. I haven't decided on the course of action, but I know, I must take action.

mine, if only could. I'm reaching for the stars. ambitious. unachievable. impossible. the only way ever is for the star to crash into me, which is again impossible. its impossible. I need to sleep.

tomorrow I hope the lunch actually take place.

probabilities:

event cancelled: 30%
2/4 ppl now showing up: 30%
ppl arriving late: 90%
me feeling bad for spending money: 96%