what I want now

If there's something i would really like now, it would be to destroy my entire physical entity, my entire existence and presence. It would be fitting for a birthday gift.

In other words, I've contemplated death multiple times, but not dared to inflict it upon myself. Will my 21st birthday give me that courage I always lacked?

We'll see.

the return of the revelation

A cold night sparked a warm recovery, the recovery of me into me.
I've spent too much time, too busy thinking about it.
I now know my position, and what I can do.
Very well.

'But though we strike from the shadows,
Do not think that we lack the courage to stand in the light.'
-Zeratul

a picture of you

Disturbed

A picture of you, tried to draw.
Sorry for unrelenting.

But sincerely thank you,

Cleverly hidden was a message that seem far,
In another world, would the flowers dance.

.

Something is wrong, its showing.
With its appearance, gets more and more depressed.
Didn't use to have it, and now? Why? oh why?

a sad sad day laced with reflections.

Today was a rare opportunity for me to see my entire future flash past my eyes. Looking at the macrospect(new word), I could feel my goals, my missions flooding through me. The beautiful lines, and star-like flashes, bright reflections and flowing cow. Emotions ran wild. Hardly a case for me.

As I glanced around, happy people lay abound. But a few individuals stood out with their misfortune, and the sight of them really pinched me into the harsh reality. Comparing myself to them, desperate to help them, but yet unable to. I felt rather miserable.

I sense something is a miss, and for a reason I think I might know. But I can never be sure, unless I am there myself.

Tonight was a mixed burst of emotions, fluctuating faster than a I don't know.

the curse of the mc-less doctor

This could be the most horrible scenario I could face in 2007.
Or had faced.

roar.

when its time

When the time comes, how many of us are left?
The fallen tree flowers again, despite the many fears.
Ensnaring me to the ground, bound I lay.
Forever locked to the miserable countenance,
I once said I would never stray.

Thank you, thank you.
Burdened by me.

like a stone

Very very tired.

It's bugging me, this problem.
Peaceful on the outside, turbulent inside.
Misery befalls me wherever I turn,
except in the direction where people learn.

Am I delusional, am I rational?
Needless to say, its common in every aspect.
Sleeping is a pleasure, waking is not.

what if..

What if you should decide,
That you don't want me there by your side.
That you don't want me there in your life.

What if I got it wrong?
Could I get it right?

very very long day..

Convulated

Two in fact.
Friday night, long movies, had a fun time.
Was troubled, very, but thanks I managed.
Sleep distribution was an obvious requirement, but I did not prioritize it.
After, looked pretty upset, but who am I to guess?

Saturday, got home and slept. Woke up at 3.
Left for Clifford's place soon after, where the symposium of Victorians was held.
Once a Victorian, always a Victorian. 1876.
Caught up with many I've not spoken with often since secondary school.
Feeling was great, really great. Like the icy cold wind on my cheeks under the noon sun.
Refreshing.

Just got home, some to enjoy..

when we arrived

rainer, sam and eugene in clifford's room

the playground

me and yq

sam and me

sam and eugene

downward spiral.

When passion leads to conviction, and conviction leads to emotion,

You know its time to stop.

what went wrong?

Exasperated.

The skies just went black again.
No clouds, no thunder, no lightning.
The hissing sound grows louder and louder,
Threatening to strike.

I can't bring myself to feel a real sense of peace and relaxation with so much going on. It's just too much. Tormenting me inside and out, will I ever know what it's about? So much has happened, I've been through it all, analyzing each moment, knowing why I fall. But will this ever end? Or will a new beginning, a new hope, rise in this dark moment?

Not spoken, embellishes a page of epic.

CNY!

Tired

Its the end of day 2 of CNY. Not realising it, time seems to slip through my fingers. I'm unable to grasp it, and forever I seem tired. Was it because of the guard duty on Friday night, then the subsequent night out? Highly probable.

Watched Protege today, the one starring Andy Lau. Was about the inside war against drugs. Very nice show in my honest opinion. I like shows like that. Tomorrow is Tuesday.

Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday.
Then Wednesdasy.

Sinking..

Stamina!

Midtone

Lunar New Year's Eve a.k.a Chu Xi!

Dinner was fantastic at the Pine Valley Restaurant.
Lobsters, Shark's fins, Almond milk with Hashiba(sp?).
Peking duck and many many more.
But disappointingly the room was small.

The night began after dinner.
Beats and sounds lifted the night,
Testing our stamina with each height.
The five remained till daylight broke.

Pictures we have but not at the moment,
Soon I will have them, but till then,
I should not have spoken.

Long weekend. The last?

Dazed.

I've just arrived home from the 12-hour duty.
The guardcom and guard2ic were nice people, and spoke to us alot.
Tiring as it was, I did it with the closest friends in OETI.
So it wasn't so bad, thanks to them.

My friend is leaving for Australia tonight, I hope I can send him.
My aunts are over for dinner tonight as some place which I,
At this point do not know.

Sometimes I just can't help but think back,
to years ago, and reminiscent about back then.
So many things, opportunities, risks, I missed,
When I should have taken them.

No time for regret now, Its all gone..

Guard duty again!

After the long day and night of Tuesday,
Forgone was the rest deserved.
Another tide hurls quickly unfurls,
Another long day and night it will be, tomorrow.

Ah, the dissolution of me.

Valentine's day.

Today was valentine's day. Monday night was interesting.
Today was good, Monday too.

I'm totally exhausted. Another time..

I'm so very

Tired.

Monday again, big bad blue Monday.
My engine module test is coming up,
Tomorrow or Tuesday, I'm not sure either.

Things seem better than it has been for the past weeks.
Lighten up the mood.
A present is in order, but for it yet to have chosen.
A little scare on the MRT I had, but it seemed I was being overcautious.

Well, for the good of mankind.

am I owned?

I've got this feeling of losing, losing a battle so close to winning.

Well it was pretty unexpected that my exponent would be so well versed in the same form of art as me. Willing or unwilling, that I do not myself know. If so, I shall move on to a certain more "drastic" measure to ensure victory, at the expense of myself. Chasing this reason leads only to nothing but personal satisfaction, which is what I feed on.

run away. chase.

Running away is natural,
After all we all do.
But no matter where we run to,
Something will chase us.

Something called reality.

how time flies..

The last time I remembered, it was Friday.
And now its already Wednesday.
Painstakingly slow in progress,
Yet fleeting upon looking,

Time lost, LOST.
Youth vanish in an instant.
Grasping the logics of growing,
I yearn yet again to be an infant.

Boys night out.

The night was young...

marina

Zombie's Revenge!

cliff at work

Next time there will be more pictures..

It has arrived. Two of them.

First, the revelation of the long lost,
Next the incoming of the knowledge.
Happens fast, harness to fathom.
But how time flies...

Oh... and everything will flow.