another week has raced by

and I haven't done anything for the past 3 weeks. maybe its time off for this rushed life. school starts in exactly a week. I'm not looking forward to it at all. It's gonna be boring yet again. today was good, met yq at city hall, then went marina to eat, chill at coffee club(and I must add coffee club has changed dramatically from the last time I went. its now adopting a TCC kind of service instead of the starbucks type), and hit some pool. its been a long time since I just went out to have fun and chill. refreshing. and I'm getting realm downs during my mf sessions. its a pain in the ass.

I'm struck. stunned.

the time, it has just left me like that. I didn't manage to grasp it. much less fathom it. awesome, but petrifying. school starts in a little less than 2 weeks. I feel unprepared. my mind and cold heart, still defrosting from my army life. but in essence, I'm still stunned. how did I miss all this time flying by? I usually think I'm a meticulous person, but this has proven otherwise. rather disappointed now.

with all honesty, I don't look forward at all to university. but I know I must complete it. chilling, life it ain't? started to condescend myself. leaning back into the throes of boredom and imaginary indulgence. all disillusioned. languid behaviors display themselves in full force. for what it may seem. nothing. I'll just lay low with my exiguous presence.

I'm stunned. awestruck. I've hit a wonderwall.

I wish

I could look back into time, and remember happy memories. but I can't. for nothing has happened in my life. I admire him, all that he's been through. though he's only a fictional character. somehow I can totally relate to his character, appreciate, and be happy. moved to tears even. I wonder if I'll ever have that happy ending. I hope, something good will happen.

made me realize

If you stand still, nothing changes.
But, if you take even a step forward
I have a feeling something will change,
And, something good will happen.

a lingering feeling words cannot describe.

tomorrow is officially my last working day in camp. it is the long awaited day. but somehow I feel I'm leaving a big part of my life behind. it had been just two years, but in this two years, so many things had happened. I've grown up. I've known many people. I've changed. I've become colder in certain ways, and warmer in others. after seeing the same people everyday from 8 - 6, monday to friday, sometimes even weekends, it's like letting go a lifestyle. yes you could call it a lifestyle. not by choice, but still it was a lifestyle.

I would suddenly be tossed back into the brain race. a frenzy of studying for three years. how can I adapt to it? I have to I know, but my mind just isn't ready for it. its like leaping from a relatively relaxed way of life in camp to a mind boggling race to be the best. or maybe just to pass. I anticipate, but yet, I'm reluctant. the renascent emotions and memories of studying are still locked away. what's fresh in my mind is only the view of familiar faces, the sounds of familiar voices, the smell of oil, the touch of cold steel, and the taste of the much disliked cookhouse food. heck I will even miss the cookhouse serving lady and cook

I like the place. I like my camp. I just dislike the work.

it is finally here

the sacred stamp of approval for my disruption. officially. now all I'm left with is the worry of getting enrolled into this academic year. hopefully it is like what the guy who answered the phone when I called NTU's admin office told me. that as long as it's before 4th August that I produce the letter to them and complete the enrollment package, I should get a place. I mean it would be ultra redundant if I got the disruption but isn't able to enroll this year. that's plain dumb, and also the fault of the slow system of that-we-shall-not-mention. tomorrow is like my last day of work, theoretically. I wanna so try and waste time because I don't feel like working. I'm happy, yet troubled at the same time.