i've suddenly felt followed, watched.

As I lay in bed with fecund thoughts clouding my mind,
I rolled, veritably trying to sleep.
This feeling is ephemeral, I thought.
I was wrong. I couldn't sleep. I felt watched, I felt uncomfortable.
It was a terrible night.

Tomorrow I shall don my helmet, an ancient artifact from BMT days.
Its the THT or Technical Handling Test. Thanks for the 1 day advanced informing depot.
It doesn't help much.

Glowing without a surreal glare, I stepped up.
I stepped down, I sank.

why is there a pattern to it?

Why is there this illuminating pattern whereby she arbitrarily get's all fouled up in caprice, and finds trouble with me? Inadvertently? I'm not sure. But it sure gets to me.

It almost seems she's out to find a fault, any fault with me just to please her desire to. Here I am taking all this loads of bullcrap, trying to resolve the issue and substantiate my explanations - which often are useless.

Its not good for us, and I don't want us to be always convalescing from such problems.

why won't you pick up?

Am I a lier? Do I sneak my way past problems and obstacles with such false words? Do I look at the situations and response to them by fiat? I never said I would.

I could scream a thousand pains, swoon a million times, and yet it still won't happen.

Somethings not right again

Something is not right again. It surfaced somewhere on Tuesday and till now I'm still at a cul-de-sac. Before my convalescing self, I can't seem to find the answer. It really bugs me how such problems keep arising. Is it due to me? Sure I do have my flaws, but I try not to present them in an over-the-top, in-your-face kind of way. I cannot foray deeper without your key.

If you want to hold it inside, don't blame me for not knowing, because it is just impossible for me to guess, or even better, read your mind. As my mind paces furtively around this matter, trying to take an external focus, the ultimate denouement is still lying ahead. I'm not a polymath to be able to see or to hold such knowledge.

Time shall be given, I'm not the impatient sort. But hopefully, you will convey your heartfelt to me someday, much appreciated.

i accepted ntu

I accepted NTU over NUS! Did I make the right decision? I hope so.

i lost.. i lost..

I lost game! Hmm pretty disturbed by it. Although its just a game I take it rather harsh on myself to do my best every single time, and I do have absolutely high expectations of myself. My actions are taking a furtive turn, to my personal delectation, and now I'm gonna read The Economist.

gym

Woo, I love the gym.

something to bite

Yesterday night we had a small VS gathering at the Cage at Kallang. It was a really fun and interesting time as we got to spoke to each other and catch up on times, especially for some I've never met since we collected our O'levels results. That was maybe slightly more than 4 years ago. Most of them have finished their National Service and are now waiting to pursue their further studies in university. Wide diversity too, from architecture all the way to law, with business, science, mathematics in between.

Most of them haven't changed much since secondary school days though, and its heartening to see so them in their old selves.

those there yesterday: zong wei, rainer, eugene, sam, ryan, favian, hong keat, jared, marcus, ramen, luqman, tzehin, cheng kun, ziyu.

24 hours

Today was unnaturally busy. From the moment I stepped into the workshop, this rush of busy-ness blurred through my mind. I did a great deal of work today alone indeed. Although small tasks, they were a plenty.

Finally more people are returning from their parade. The manpower problem will go down slightly. Need to wait for the new OJE batch to come in in June to ease this problem. I heard Gaffur is earmarked for overseas attachment; which is probably the same as confirmed. Our joker will be gone.

It's been a very long time since I met up with my friends from OETI, especially Jiayu, Kenji, Pradana, Hizuan. Miss the days in OETI where everyday was just that - a day. Hope I have the chance to meet them soon. Jiayu just extracted his wisdom tooth so he has 5 days MC. Tempts me to do the same, but the trouble that ensues puts me off.

Tonight I have to stay in for tomorrow's IPPT. Short night.

back to work

Today I finally go back to work. It seems my rant to SMRT went to waste. As expected they gave me their standard SOP(standard operating procedure) reply. I've decided not to waste much more effort in trying to get back what is rightfully mine which in my case, isn't mine, or at least half mine. Got the new scorpions album - Humanity Hour 1. Fantastic. Love this band totally, been hearing it from a kid from my dad's time. THEY ROCK.

Work was tiring today, I almost did OT when everyone else was already dismissed. Luckily my friend fetched me to Yew Tee MRT, otherwise what time I would get back would be the world's greatest riddle. "I am the queen of blades, and my stare alone would reduce you to ashes" - Kerrigan.

Tomorrow is guard duty again.

I've spent a large majority of beginning of May doing guard duties. But it's good. Tomorrow shall be the last guard duty I'll be doing for May. And at least I'll have Monday off for guard rest unlike last Saturday. I'll be going out to meet my girl for dinner at Astons. Hopefully it won't be so crowded. It's been quite long since I last tasted it.

The garden bells with violet orchids

I've been given excuse shoes/boots/RMJ for three days. It's good, if it would actually work. Because tomorrow I'll have to go for the parade after all. Some great core value called care there eh? I saw my friend come and go with a chilling celerity, one that signified great direction and reflected an intransigent backdrop, albeit the brief gladness that came and went.

The hot sun awaits tomorrow, if the clouds don't cast their gratifying shadow over.

the spite of the world

A foray into the darkness and deafness,
The bete noire of me, exists incomprehensibly.
The uncertainty, recalling the anonymity.
A fateful stay, casts upon that beastly slay.

The night is young my friend,
Left alone, loneliness pervades the air.
The stench of myself, gripping with fear.
She is alone too, and its not fair.

I owe something,
A thoughtful gesture, a sweet surrender.
Yearning, and savouring for the silky percipience
Homecoming, it had seem,
Knowing, she may deem.

A weekend burnt up in flames.

The flames of urgent replacement for guard duty that is.
Poor poor Saturday.

suddenly all seems toned down

May is here, tomorrow is the last day of the week, guard duty just passed. I'm tired, very tired. I have a lovely new watch given to me by my girlfriend.