friday night

friday was a busy day. in the morning, I went to meet my OB group at city hall to discuss our presentation next friday, as well as a little on the report. the mac just beside odeon towers, which was our originally planned location, was having their grand opening, so it was very crowded and nosiy, and not feasible to discuss there.

so we did at at the cramped mos burger at raffles city basement instead. it finished quite early unexpectedly, so I headed down to the national library to spend some time. but there wasn't any seats available so I decided not to waste time and headed back to ADM to return the recorder. after that I went straight home. on the way home I texted YQ to see if he wanted to chill out at night.

after I reached home, at around 5.30, he called me and we made arrangements to have dinner with kun at the beach road hawker center. I recommended him the claypot rice there as it was quite famous. so I met kun first at lavender and we walked down to the hawker center. due to traffic jam YQ was late but luckily I ordered the rice first, as it took quite some time to cook. just nice when YQ reach, the rice came less than 2 mins after that.

kun at beach road hawker center, waiting for YQ & the claypot rice

YQ was claypot pro man. know how to do everything. we sat for quite a while after finishing the rice just talking and chatting. then we decided to head down to the starbucks at big splash @ ECP.

YQ getting out of his car at ecp

We got some drinks, sat there and continued talking. about life, about job, about the army, joking around. after quite a long while we decided to move.

YQ sent me home, and I'm so thankful to him for it. after reaching my place we decided to just chill awhile more below, so we went to 7-11, got some drinks and sat down at the table under my block. we continued talking, sharing true stories and experiences. then it got really late.

under my block

so it was really time to go, we said goodbyes and headed seperate ways.

today was a day

I really needed some company. but I got none. that tells a whole lot.

petals of the cherry blossom

when you get too drawn in, you find it hard to exit. when exit finally arrives, you feel uncomfortable. you are unsure of your next step, for being drawn in has gotten used to.

into the pause button

into the recess week, which also marks the halfway point in the semester, I still have lots of things to be done. though I'm trying to balance them out. seems my original plan of meeting up with friends can't be carried out as they are all kind of busy, so the plans have been pushed back to the following weeks. of course I hope the rush to produce assignments then would not interfere with it.

many things will change, when school starts again. I guess I really have to shift up a gear. can I do it?

I learned something today. anyway it is cool now. maybe I shouldn't have.

repeat

it's sad when it ends like that.
it's sad when it ends like that.
it's sad when it ends like that.
it's sad when it ends like that.
it really does make me sad.
really.

two, no three.

on tuesday I went out with Kun and Alex. here's a picture I took while waiting for them to arrive at bugis

sitting at the mcdonalds looking up

then,

yesterday, I went to bukit timah hill for my soundscape field trip. it was unexpectedly tiring to climb the hill. the slopes were .steep, the stairs were huge. literally huge. each step was around the height of my knee, some even taller. I literally 'climbed' the stairs and 'jumped down' each stair and I climbed countless steps.

but the natural surrounding they had there was good. I saw an eagle's feather and it was huge. of course by the time I finished the walk I could have filled a bucket with my perspiration. overall it was interesting and quite fun. after the trip I went to the SP canteen(my friend dropped me off at dover) with kent and had some dessert to refill myself

dangerous. NOT. but still don't go beyond that point.

when walking up, this was the view behind me. that's one of my classmate recording the sound of nature.

and this was the view ahead of me. this is the not-so-steep part.

this 'summit path' looked interesting. it lead up to a place that looked rather high up that I couldn't see the end. I didn't go up though. the stairs are tiny compared to what i walked at the other trails.

towards the end of the trail there was an open field with stone cliffs. the field was nice. abit sunny.

me, kent, and yong joo after the field trip waiting for PerMagnus to find the lost(lagging actually) sheep

then,

today I went to school to meet yee shin for project meeting. supposed to have the entire group but the other 2 members couldn't make it. so the two of us tried to figure out what we needed to do and came to an agreement. probably will be meeting on monday again. while in school, I borroweed the Edirol(by Roland) recorder from ADM. took me quite some trouble. played around with it and uploaded some clips to my computer. the sound quality is good.

anyway, after the project meeting, I went to watch Samantha perform her cheerleading at her church. after her performance there was a drama. I left midway during the drama and headed home. I'm really tired now.

dream

can they go back into the time.
the time where nothing seemed to mind
forgotten pieces of their lives, he cries.
nothing can deny those memories
and so they keep their dream alive,
they turn to pictures of their past, at last.
they stand still in the present
never knowing the future, and what lies
it hurts him so much to realize, he cries
looking up he needs some good advice, and he sings
when will the time come for him to, give up
knocking on the door of emptiness
and so he turns around and walks
echoes calling him to turn back time
just another one lost,
just another one lost, he cries
and so he closes both his eyes
to see the dream for one last time, in his life
the dream he could not achieve,
the dream he wanted to achieve.
and so he's taking words out from his head
no more chance to see him once again
once again..

one point goes to the moon

in our lives, we must always remember one thing. we should hope, but never expect. for expectations bring mostly nothing but disappointment & misery. holding on to hope gives us drive, but at the same time we must recognize when to give up that hope. holding on too long has its ill effects.

yesterday night I met up with Cheng Kun and Alex. we wanted to have dinner so Kun brought us to the newly renovated McDonald's near Odeon Towers. it was quite nice, the interior. after eating, we sat there for quite some time just catching up and sharing stories and just saying lame corny stuff, the stuff we usually say when we get together. we left the place and headed down to Raffles City, only to do nothing much there so we went back to bugis and had dessert at one of the shops along the side streets. there we continued talking till it was about 2215, so we decided it was time to leave. Alex had parade tomorrow, and Kun had duty.

It feels really good whenever I meet up with him. it just gives the warm feeling that I've been used to since I knew him in secondary 2. he hasn't changed a single bit, apart from putting on some weight. but hey, who hasn't?

a sunday

it's night time already, and I've done some studying. not yet touched upon economics though. I feel I'm underestimating it just because it's going to be in multiple choice format, while OB is essay style. so far I've done 2 chapters of OB(+ a little bit of the introduction chapter). I plan to do another chapter later, hopefully it will be short with not too many pages. I'm pondering over whether I should go out and relax with yz for awhile, assuming he wants to do so, or stay home. on a normal day, he would be preparing to book in by 11, but he had taken tomorrow off.

I'm still distracted, as distracted as when I started. but at least now I'm putting in much more effort to stay on track. there are a few things I'm looking forward to, apart from the recess week. I'm probably using it as some sort of positive reinforcement.

so many people have changed. reminds me of the song "everybody's changing" from keane. but of course it's part and parcel of nature. I wonder, have I changed? almost definitely, since july 2007, I'm sure I did consciously make a big change in thoughts(think paradigm shift). and then I altered them once again in january 2008. to others it might be a change of behavior, but to me it seemed like I was taking a route that I felt was better. I learned, that's why I changed for the better. maybe that's what change is about - taking the better option/route. but there's always a part of a person that will never change.

but of course, the better route may not be the better route after all. the better route is laced with our own perceptions, and from those perceptions, judgements and opinions. how good is good? it doesn't matter to ourselves. instead, it matters(and we feel it matters) most to the person that matters most to us. that's what matters. hopefully my changes were of a good nature, in the eyes of the one that matters most.

sometimes

last night was a terrible one. I hardly slept. I kept waking up, for what reasons I do not know. I remember dreaming, but I can't remember what I dreamt about. I woke up more than 6 times. one of them where I was so thirsty I went to the kitchen straight and gulped down a large amount of fruit juice. I felt terrible. only in the morning when the sun was rising did I manage to catch a few winks of sleep. just barely. it is so far the worst of all my disrupted sleep patterns. I feel so tired today, I slept in the afternoon from 1750 - 1930. and now I'm tired again. I'm troubled, but I'll try to remember the advice that got me going. tomorrow I shall be studying for my 2 quizzes that take place, rather unfortunately, on the same day one after another. I still have other things to look at, but they'll take a backseat for now.

today(actually yesterday) is valentine's day, a day where couples go out and celebrate. maybe its more of an opportunity for guys seeking to ask the girl they like or have always liked out. where the guy would prepare elaborate plans and shower the girl with affection, in an attempt to win her heart. how long has it been since I've tried to win a girl's heart? I can barely remember. will I ever be able to again? I don't know. but today is a day for all the lucky guys and girls who have gotten together, and not for me to relish my own.

this being a rather long post culminates the past week. many bad and unwanted things happened that put me in quite a spot sometimes, and made me frustrated. I know sometimes I tend to keep things to myself, this being my stubborn mentality that telling it to others will not help solve the issue on hand. it will only make me feel better, but the problem will persist. in fact, telling it to others will help make me feel better and also probably generate solutions to solve the problem.

I hope good things will come. after all, the recess week is only a week away. sure, I'll have lots of stuff to do during that time - projects, assignments, etc. but what I really would like to do is to spend more time with the people I care about. The past weeks or so I've been really caught up with school work, I feel I haven't really had the time to communicate with them.

sometimes, I just need some company to accompany me to places where we can sit and just enjoy and take in the serenity and peace. sometimes, I just want someone to accompany me to just do nothing but relax. but that company is hard to find. I make it harder by not telling anyone. it might even seem demanding on my part since I have nothing to offer. distances are drawing further, yet people seem warmer occasionally. I feel comfortable, yet I'm bothered by the differences.

Dreams

I've had so many things to think about during the last 2 weeks. It's not over yet, but well, here goes.

I don't sleep well at night. I don't. I feel terrible every time I open my eyes in the morning. Sometimes I wish I don't have to wake up at all. Stuck in an eternal dream, the dream I want to be in. I haven't had a good night's rest in a very long time. It is frustrating. Really frustrating.

It's no longer easy, nor the same. I cannot understand it once again. It's happening again.